Hibernation is Almost Over

15 01 2014

I may not be a bear or rodent but it feels like I was hibernating. Winter is still here and it’s still kind of cold, but I think I’m done hibernating. Felt like I’ve went into this limbo-like state where life was slowing down for me. It’s not like time was slowing down, but I guess nothing was really happening. Admittedly I feel most of this is my fault.

Bear Hibernation

I say a lot of things and fail to act upon my words. I do a lot of hand waving hoping that I don’t have to do anything and things kind of fall into place. But life isn’t like that. I mean sure, for some things the road is already paved and is straight forward. But not all things are that simple. For me it seems like there is no road, that the trees in this forest are blocking most of the sun out. Each step is harder than the next, you feel tired and somewhat lost. And if I sit to rest bit, it seems as if hours or days have passed.

I guess I did stop and did find a place to rest for a bit. It was comfortable enough and so I was content for a long period of time. But time waits for no one. Now I’ve started to open my eyes and see that the forest has grown denser so it is much harder to walk through. The trees have completely blocked out the sun so there’s no indication of night or day. And I can’t make out the direction I came from… so I don’t know if I’m heading backwards or forwards or nowhere. But I know I want to be more than just content.

I guess this is the one good thing of getting lost…

Not till we are lost, in other words not till we have lost the world do we begin to find ourselves, and realize where we are and the infinite extent of our relations.
-Henry David Thoreau


A Little Chaos Never Hurt Nobody Right?

18 06 2013

Past few weeks have definitely had an element of chaos in them. One thing is at work, rest of my team went on vacation leaving me there to hold down the fort. The amount of tasks to do is rather overwhelming while the rest of my team is away. I mean, I knew they were going on vacation and tried to mentally prepared myself for more work… but I guess that wasn’t enough. I just need to hang on for this week and then my coworkers will be back. Plus it’ll be less lonely around my side of the office (I guess technically I could go wander to the other side… but that requires effort).

Besides work, the day-to-day grind at home is really wearing my patience. I’ve been saying I want to move out of my parent’s house for a while now… but still I’ve failed to do anything. I don’t know if it’s out of my own laziness or out of being worried about the rest of my family. At home family members could use my presence to maintain general day-to-day things. It’s mainly because my brother is mentally ill and my dad is getting old/forgetful. Feels like I have this morale family obligation to stick around… although I know it isn’t doing me personally any good (at least for my sanity).

In other news, the world of video games finally has some good news. Sony 1-upping Microsoft with their video on sharing games was pretty priceless. I’m pretty sure I’ll be getting a PS4 in the future, at this point mainly for FFXV (formerally known as FF Versus XII) and KH3 (and hopefully Disgaea 5 whenever that gets announced).

Also Dota2 is getting released on Steam by Valve before TI3 (the International 3, Valve’s 3rd official Dota 2 tournament) is rather exciting. I’ve been playing Dota since the WC3 UMS days with the v5.84b map… so that’s like end of 2004; 9 years?. It’s rather exciting for me to see a game like this evolve so much while standing the test of time. A little Dota history lesson.

Also I’m looking forward to the Deadpool game coming out next week on 6/25. I’m so expecting to be trolled hard (hopefully Disgaea level trolling). To be honest though, I’m not exactly sure what type of game this is going to be; FPS, (Action) RPG, strategy, or is it its own genre: the Deadpool genre?
Deadpool Game Cover

Let the Ninja Training Beginning!

24 02 2013

My parkour training begins anew again. I say again, because I was trying some years ago when I got out of college… but laziness+new-job got in the way (well, it’s actually mainly laziness). So gotta go back to the basics… running, pushups, situps, pullups, etc. I definitely don’t think I’m going to get to David Belle’s or S├ębastien Foucan’s level… that’s really not what I set out to be (although would be awesome if I could get to that level like in this movie). But I just want to be enough to be a sneaky urban ninja.

I definitely need to get back into shape, especially on my running endurance. My endurance always sucked (I was a short distance runner type person in school) so I think anything will be an improvement from before. Strength… yeah I’m not trying to be the Hulk; just enough to be able to pull myself up easily will be adequate I think.

We’ll revisit this parkour training in a month or 2… Maybe there will be videos (if someone is around to film it). We’ll see if I fly or just fall… (hopefully the former!)

The Days In a Life After the Mayan End of the World

14 01 2013

The new year has already begun; the Mayans were wrong about the End of the World on 12/21/12… So what’s next? Or maybe the End of the World happened, just not the way we all expected it…
Mayan End of the World

Looking back at last year, there are a lot of noteworthy things. In short…: roommate getting married (first of many weddings to go to hopefully), many coworkers leaving, miniature figurines being painted, snowboarding for the first time… Well, going to keep that list short because gotta keep looking forward to the new year. This new year has a lot to live up to because 2012 ended pretty well. I guess my only regret is not moving out yet… (was meaning to do that last year). But oh well, I guess that can be this year’s New Year Resolution (that I can break this year too :P).

I think I’ll also need to plan a nice big trip this year to some foreign country (like some European countries)… I better start saving up, especially if I want to stay at an Igloo or Ice Hotel. Go big or go home right? Maybe this is the year to take some bigger chances. Let’s see what you got 2013!
20d Dice

“To get something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do something you’ve never done.” – Thomas Jefferson

Sorting Out the Odds and Ends

30 08 2012

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Logically doing something over and over without any change and expecting something different is clearly somewhat insane. You know like tossing an apple in the air will always result in the apple coming back down. With reason and logic it’s makes sense. But human nature just says no. We just want the result of something to be different even though nothing has changed. History just repeats itself; the story with the same ending just with different characters.

It’s probably just the fact we do the same thing over and over because we don’t know what to change. Since people don’t know what to change they are stuck… and only thing they can do it either nothing or keep retrying. Retrying all the time isn’t the greatest thing, because obviously the chances of things to change on their own are slim to none. So you are just stuck with disappointment. On the other hand giving up… well that just isn’t a good feeling to have.

And even if you were to change things, it isn’t easy all the time. Some things are just too solid and won’t budge. Or if they are loose, they just move a tiny bit where progress is slow. And very slow progress is effectively no progress/change.

The worst is when you ask yourself the same question from a few years ago, and get the same answer back. But of course that answer isn’t the one you want. Even time can’t change everything.

Sometimes you get help, sometimes you’re alone. Sometimes you get lucky, sometimes you don’t, and sometimes you just bite the bullet and go insane.

A Marvel Journey into the Sanctuary of TERA

6 05 2012

I bought Journey from the PSN when it was available in mid March but never got around to play it. Few weeks ago I remedied this and played it. I must say I am deeply touched by the overall game. Journey is a short adventure-exploration game that takes like 2 hours for a play through. Journey is not your conventional game, it isn’t about a story someone else is telling; but rather truths that you must find yourself. I never knew being a mute-robed entity could be so thought provoking. For those with an open mind or want to try something new (and you have a PS3), I highly recommend Journey.

I played during the TERA Online Open Beta weekend. TERA (The Exiled Realm of Arborea) is a MMORPG that uses a nontargeting combat system. The nontargeting combat system, or what they call “True Action Combat”, is really what makes this MMO stand out. There is no auto-lockon to targets, but rather you must actually aim your camera angle to where you want to attack. And since there’s no locking on, you can actually dodge incoming attacks just by moving out of the way. The True Action Combat system also applies to the mobs so monsters are going to dodge your attacks sometimes. Other than that, it’s a pretty standard MMO (quests, pvp, crafting, guilds, etc.)… which is why I had no intention of continuing after the Open Beta; I was only interested in TERA’s combat system, everything else seemed “meh”. And the combat system can only take my interest ever so far…

Diablo 3 is coming out in a couple weeks, I’ve already preordered this highly anticipated game. Usually the third installation of a trilogy is terrible or sometimes a series never makes it past the sequel… But I’ve made an exception for Blizzard due to the quality of their sequel/trilogy games (StarCraft 2, WarCraft 3, Diablo 2). I played the D3 Closed Beta a month ago, and I was rather satisfied with what I saw. Both the Closed and Open Betas only let you play up to the first major boss, King Leoric the Skeleton King. It is a short 1-2 hour play, many of the “retail” features aren’t present; but the general gameplay and expectations were there. Diablo 3 is very much the same as its predecessor Diablo 2, yet it has better graphics and new goobers to beat up and probably a slew of other things that will be available when its released. We just have to wait till May 15 for those retail benefits…

I also saw Marvel’s the Avengers opening night. Loved it. Whether you know the comicbook lore, watched the related Marvel movies, fall into both categories (like me), or neither; this is a movie for anyone looking for an action/adventure movie. Even though the Avengers is the convergence of multiple superheroes into a single movie, it didn’t seem that there was a single superhero taking all the glory/screen time. There was a lot of character development for the majority of the movie, which is understandable since this is the first time these heroes meet together. A lot of people are trying to compare this to Chris Nolan’s Batman… but in my opinion you really can’t. Batman is about an antihero that fights in the shadows, whose story in itself is dark… and just gets darker. The Avengers on the other hand is about shiney pompous heroes who make it clear they fight the good fight. Captain America has freaking stars and stripes for his uniform and Iron Man/Tony Stark parades his heroism for the world to see. These 2 stories are apples and oranges, both with a distinct taste. Anyways, I can’t wait for the next Marvel movies; although the bar definitely has been set high.

Dragons Roar at the Past and Fly to the Future

23 01 2012

Happy New Year! We come to another crossing in the road of life. A new year (and new Lunar year) has begun, where there are new possibilities with new challenges. As with any new year, it is a time to reflect on the past to better the coming of the new year.

As I look back at past Me, the major event of last year was that it has been a little more than a year since the accident that took my mother’s life. In December 2010, my mother passed away in an auto accident, and since then family has been top priority. At first things were very rocky and rough; a lot of teary eyes and broken hearts… Being the youngest in my family, my older siblings had already started their lives away from home and I was about to begin my journey. We were all very far away from each other and from home, physically and mentally. With my mother’s passing, I felt our family was barely holding up, it was definitely time to heal and reforming of the family bonds. Every day seemed like a battle, as each of us looked forward towards better times. It was a fight from one sunrise to the next, each of us waiting for the sun to illuminate the dark nights.

Around this time in January of last year, an important person took time out of their life to see how I was doing. At the time it was just very comforting at time to see this person, even if it was for a short moment. Looking back at it, I feel so very reassured to know that no matter how far away people may be, that your friends would be there for you. Moths and butterflies may live different lives, but they flutter in the same sky. I was also reminded of a past notion I took on before, a notion that was buried deep in my subconscious for a few years; that no matter how dark things are the sun will shine. (There were a lot more other corny thoughts that surfaced as well.. but that is my summary of them.) And with these thoughts in mind, I’d like to believe life did get better, even incrementally.

And here I am now, a little over a year later; survived my first year at my first job, traveled to Japan illiterate in Japanese, and slowly paying back my debt to my father for my college expenses. I’d like to think I’ve grown older and wiser… but I know I’m still a kid at heart. My family definitely needs more healing, but we are definitely back on our feet. There are still some aspects that require more healing, but I know in due time all the emotional wounds will heal.

For myself, I feel at peace with my mother’s passing, she lived a wonderful life in Taiwan and in the US. I do feel that it is my time to leave the nest, but I know that I should still stay a little while longer until everyone is able to be self-sustaining. And because of that, I do still feel like the bird trapped in the cage (or moth in a jar)… I feel like I need a change of pace, possible when I move out to live by myself to test my mettle. Although I know if I do that I’ll be leaving behind everything at home. Ideally I should probably live with someone else otherwise I’ll become a hermit. We’ll see how my sanity fairs in the next few months before I make any rash decisions.

For now the adventure starts again, it may or may not be novel revisiting a adventure might take me somewhere new. There are definitely still new things to discover, whether or not I stumble upon them is another question… And I will still continue chasing the horizon so I can feel the sunshine on my skin.